Entry 24.9

Those of you who have worked with me on more than just your swing, but on your game, know that beyond the swing is one of my biggest passions, as it envelops playing the game and not just the swing. There are so many states in life: physical, mental, emotional, social, spiritual and probably more. But those are the big five that I see. They are all linked together and the energy from one state can either boost or inhibit performance in the other states. I feel like many of you know this information either through your education or through experience. Many times, we focus so much on the physical state; better motions, getting stronger, becoming more mobile, etc. that we lose focus on the other states. I know when I was learning to play that’s how I was. And as a coach in the beginning, I did the same thing. I focused purely on the physical state. I have a long way to go in maturing as a golf instructor, but I know my shift in focus is for the better.

Where did this shift in focus come from? First, it came from my experience with PGA HOPE. Despite some of the emotional and mental issues (not sure the best word for it. Disability, damage, impairments. Whatever, you get the point) that I faced in my own life, I sadly still saw PGA HOPE as just bringing golf to veterans and my focus was on them physically. Just make them better physically and they will get better emotionally and mentally. Selfishly, I wish that were the case because I love working on myself physically. Stronger, faster, more agile. But for a long time, I hated working on myself emotionally and mentally. Mentally, I felt like iron. Nothing phased me. Until it did. Emotions? I ignored them. Or I thought I did. Until I didn’t. When that happened, I didn’t know what to do. I was completely unprepared. My life was turned upside down and I had no way of telling which direction to go to breathe. When I finally allowed myself to be helped (all too often we resist the help we need most by telling ourselves that we’ve got it handled) my world changed. Despite working with some of the best therapists in the world, I wasn’t getting better physically. Once I finally accepted help and learned to manage my emotions and control myself mentally, I began to heal physically. But as I’ve said before, I’ve got a thick skull and I’m stubborn so I didn’t see the connection.

That was until the first PGA HOPE class that I was involved with here at Methodist. There was a young man in that class that changed my life. From week one until graduation, I saw the change happening before my eyes. As we met week to week, I just realized that I needed to reach out to him as a person, and not as a golfer. I still keep up with that veteran, and I can tell you today that he is a much different person that he was on day one. And while my focus was on helping him better his life, he bettered mine. There is always a trickle-down effect from change. A small change in the course of a stream at the top of the mountain can have cataclysmic effects by the time it reaches the bottom. That is how he changed my life, and his impact will trickle out to every other veteran who attends a PGA HOPE session that I am a part of. Every veteran that I reach, he by proxy also reaches. But this trickle-down effect also passes on to every player that I work with, even those who are not a part of PGA HOPE. That means his influence is passed on to you through me. Let that sink in. To me that is a very powerful statement. That is why I try to get every student involved in PGA HOPE. So that you can see the impact that you have on those veterans and how those interactions can be passed on to other people that veteran interacts with. But back to the topic at hand.

Once I made that connection, I saw how I could be a better coach to all my players. And so now, on course lessons mean a lot more to me that just teaching you how to get the ball in the hole. It is an opportunity to help you manage your emotional and mental states. I focus on those states a lot more in my own game and let me tell you, my golf game and my life are so much better for it. I have a dream of playing in a major one day, at this rate, it will probably be a senior tournament. But it is a dream, not a goal. I’ve made that adjustment. First and foremost, the thing that has helped me become a better player is just having fun. Golf is a game. It is meant to be enjoyed. But so often we make it work. We grind it out and just feel like if we could hit the ball farther and straighter we could play better. But that really isn’t the case. Yes, those things happen. But we are seeing a change in the way golf instruction is happening. In the 1990s it was all about having a pretty swing. In the 2000s, it morphed into treating golfers more like athletes. In the 2010s, the trend changed again to making players better mentally and emotionally. All these aspects have always been there. I’m not sure what the 2020s totally have in store for us. It might be technology based. It might be the decade where we finally put the last 30 years together and start seeing golfers as people first and not necessarily like athletes. I don’t know. We usually can’t define a trend until we can look back on the total period of time.

So once again, we come to the part where we ask “Tim, what’s the point?” First, make sure that golf is fun. Once it stops being fun, I’m not sure that it is worth doing. But that is rather generic. I want you to start thinking about all the emotions that you go through in a round of golf. Let’s start on the positive side. You made a birdie. Congratulations. How did that make you feel? Happy? What kind of happy? Optimistic? Proud? Powerful? Let’s flesh those out a little more. Proud could be a feeling of success or a feeling of confidence. Optimistic could mean hopeful or inspired. Powerful contains things like courageous or creative. A birdie could make you surprised which means excitement resulting in eagerness or more energy. A birdie could also make you fearful. Fear could mean anxious or scared. These are just a small sampling of the possibilities. But the first step in managing your emotions is to identify them. You can’t manage something if you don’t know what it is. The second step is having a plan in place of what to do when you feel certain emotions. If we don’t have a plan, it makes it extremely difficult to anticipate how we are going to react. Experiment while you play. Try one thing and then another and see which one works better for you. If you’ve ever had glasses, it’s like when the optometrist asks which lens is better, lens #1 or lens #2? Then asks if #3 or #4 is better. Then between those two answers, which one is better. You have to do this with every emotion that you experience on the course to build an effective plan. And an effective plan is followed, but it also changes and morphs as you change as a player.

Every player is different and so the approach to these things must be different. Some players I am going to approach gently, offer some words of encouragement, and help them start building a plan. Others, I’m going to kick them in the seat of the pants to get them in gear. Still others will get the “it’s time to buck up, stop feeling sorry for yourself and start taking responsibility”. Some just need space, a gentle push in the right direction and they’ve got it handled. It’s all about knowing that player and having a relationship with them so you know what course of action you are going to take with them. I want every player to reach their potential so if I start talking about more than just your swing, I see an opportunity for improvement. But remember one of the wisest pieces of knowledge I’ve ever heard. “I don’t teach golf. I don’t teach the golf swing. I teach people.” – Peter Kostis 2023 Arizona Golf Hall of Fame inductee.

On Saturday, 25 May 2024, golf got a huge wake up call. The day before a player withdrew from competition citing illness. I don’t know if anyone thought any of it. It happens. I can tell you there are a lot of people now who think of it. A son, a fiancé, a fellow Tour member, a playing competitor and a friend was gone. I remember the questions, the tears, the heartbreak, the wondering that went on for the next week or more. While he may not be on this earth, Grayson Murray is definitely still a part of their lives. Murray struggled with alcoholism, anxiety and depression. He was open about his struggles. He credited golf as the reason for those struggles. I never want one of my players to have those struggles. I’ve had them. I still struggle with anxiety and depression. While my struggles aren’t because of golf, they aren’t entirely that different in nature. The cause is just different. Every one’s struggle is different. But I truly believe that my struggle was because I wasn’t prepared. I can’t speak for Grayson. What I can tell you that while I didn’t know Grayson, I have learned to be a better coach because of him.

I’m a protector by nature. Everyone has that one thing at their core, and I believe that’s who I am. And I’m not a protector in a defensive manner. I’m not a wall. I’m not a shield. I’m a sword. I protect by going on offense. I want to stop anything bad from happening before it has a chance to happen. I think my previous careers speak to this. I still do this, just in a different way. I want the very best for any of you. As a person, not just as a coach. I make it my mission every day. But there are some things that I can’t protect you from offensively. I can’t protect you from yourself. And I hate that feeling of helplessness. I want to do something about it. I want to do everything I can for you to be successful. I hate seeing players struggle. In any way. I just want to take those feelings from them and put them on myself, so they don’t have to deal with them. But I can’t. What I can do is teach you how to manage those things for yourself. While those issues are small. Because if I wait, those pressures can feel insurmountable like there is nothing that you can do stop them from happening. So, I put together a class that spoke to how to manage those things. I keep a constant watchful eye on my players. I ask questions. I want to make sure that you have everything you need to be successful. When I see an issue, I don’t hesitate to address it. I’m not a psychologist or a therapist by trade but as a coach, those are hats that I have to wear. It’s part of the reason that so many of these “Professor’s Ponderings” deal with thoughts, feelings and emotions. I am trying to protect. I can’t help myself. It’s just who I am. And I’m not going to apologize for it. If you don’t want that help when I offer it, that’s ok. I understand that not everyone is going to accept it. I have to accept that I am not going to be able to protect everyone. But it doesn’t mean I don’t stop watching and worrying about you.

So, if you are struggling. Be it with golf, school or life, please come and see me. I will help you find the help that you need. I have done it before. I spent hours with a student last semester because he came to me. It had nothing to do with golf. I was totally ok with that. If I don’t have the answers, I will find you someone who does. Just know that whatever it is, you don’t have to go through it alone. If you want some ideas, my presentation on “The Performance Process” is up on Canvas. It’s chocked full of ideas on how you can manage thoughts and emotions when you play and practice. They are also ways that I manage my thoughts and emotions in my everyday life. If I don’t pick up on the fact that you need help with anxiety on the golf course, bring it up. We can work on it. It will make you a better player, I promise. But ignoring those feelings and letting those things just continue to pile up, is not the answer. It just makes it harder to manage. Tackle it while those feelings are small. I’m here to walk that journey together with you.