Entry 25.6

In our last entry, my brain decided to open up on the opportunities we are given to grow through pain and hurt. The plan was to look at growth, maturity and learning from three different viewpoints, but we only got through one. When I stand to write (rather than sit down, you should know my feelings on sitting by now) I fly by the seat of my pants. Sometimes the outcome reflects the smooth mirrored surface of a calm lake and other times, like last week, is the emotional equivalent of waves pounding the shoreline during a winter storm. This entry should be calmer, but I can’t promise anything. I can only hope that it is insightful and helps someone in some way as others have helped me in the past and continue to help me. This week we are going to explore what last week became for me: being comfortable being uncomfortable.

If you think last week was easy for me to write, you are wrong. When I write at work, I like to close my office door. It helps me create an environment that allows me to think clearly rather than focus on everything that is going on outside my office. I had a cold, so I don’t think my coworkers had any idea, but as I was writing, I was crying. Not just little sniffles, but tears streaking down my face. I was going through Kleenex like they were going out of style. I’m not going to lie, the pain of that day in 2002 still hurts today as much as it did then. I think one of the times that I blew my nose, Coach said something to the effect of “pipe down”. It was exactly what I needed because while I didn’t catch exactly what he said, it brought a smile to my face, allowed me to level the ship and keep writing. Another reminder that sometimes the things that you do impacts other people. Remember, that can be good or bad. Don’t be apologetic for what you do, just be mindful that what you do impacts other people, even if you don’t realize it. I get very uncomfortable talking about that day, because when I do, I hate myself. Despite the pain and sorrow of my brother’s death, like the acorn that was buried and forgotten, it eventually brought forth growth and new life. Not just for me, but for my entire family. Just the fact that I can now talk about that day, shows me that I have grown. While it took years, eventually the rift between my parents and I closed, and real healing began to happen. But it wasn’t easy, and it didn’t come quickly.

I know my first career as a state trooper was hard on my parents. We have never discussed it, but I know the fear of the dangers of that career weighed heavily on them. Then I threw them a curveball. I was joining the Army. I remember hearing the fear in my mother’s voice as she got quiet when I told her. The response from my father was deafening. Nothing. Not a single word. It wasn’t long before I left for OSUT (One Station Unit Training). My mother let me know how he felt. That was when I began to understand my parents’ true fear. I left for OSUT and got cut off from the world. The Army does it for a reason. They are basically brainwashing you. I’ll tell you a funny story here about the first day at OSUT but first let me finish this one. Besides the Army, there is one other federal organization that you have access to while in OSUT: The United States Postal Service. Somewhere I still have the note that my mother sent me, but I can’t for the life of me find it. You never can find something when you want to. But it is one of my most prized possessions. Thank God for the internet. You see the little printed note my mother sent me was from the blog of my parents’ business so by scrolling back fifteen and a half years I found it. It was from Monday, 25 May 2009. Memorial Day. I want to share that note because of the message that it sent and meant to me. My father wrote:

It’s Memorial Day. Remember.

I was blessed to be raised by parents who instilled into me a love of country and an appreciation that freedom is not free.

That the freedoms we enjoy and the rights that have been bestowed by the Creator and recognized by our founders have been protected by blood and sweat over centuries.

And while we may or may not agree with current or past administration and policies, we should not take it lightly we have the right to do so, and we should not so quickly dismiss any attempts to infringe those rights. At the least we owe it to the women and men who gave “the last full measure of their devotion”.

I like to think that I have instilled in my children the same love and respect for country that was nurtured in me. In fact I know that to be true. But this year it hits a little closer to home.

My son Tim resigned his job as a Vermont State Trooper last month and is pursuing something he has wanted to do for a while now, Army Special Forces. He is currently at my old stomping grounds of Fort Benning, GA. Kind of ironic that he is back where he spent the first few years of his life when I was stationed there.

When he first told me he was enlisting I responded kind of poorly. Some like “What are you doing that for?” He was leaving a stable job, his home, and his (very supportive) wife and pursuing a path that there is no 100% guarantee that he would even complete. I know he wasn’t very happy with me, but we’ll get past it. I have always been proud of him for his accomplishments, but this was a hard one. I think maybe as a veteran I realize the potential consequences of his decision, and while it may be ok for me to make it, this was my son.

But then I was reminded in a recent conversation about men like Tim who make such decisions. Decisions to leave the comfort of home, and relative safety and ease. Men and women like this are why I can sit here at this keyboard in my office, drinking a cup of coffee, doing a job I love to do. Men and women like this who leave home and family so I can be here with mine.

Men and women like Steve Veinotte, Justin and Raechel Strevig, Ken Jones, Justin and Meagan Sbat, Spencer Wilbur, Brad Lepelley, Dan Parker, Taylor Anne Frazier, Michael Gilbert and many more that I could name that have and continue to honorably serve their country, and understood the decisions and consequences. Men and women who sweat in the desert in countries like Iraq and Afghanistan so I can sleep on my Select Comfort.

So today as you celebrate, I ask you to remember who and what you are celebrating. Today there are wives without husbands and children without mom or dad to whom this day brings back floods of memories you and I cannot understand.

Remember them.

Never, ever forget.

I love you Tim.

Hits me in the feels every time I read it. Even more so now that I have finished my military service and lost comrades on the battlefield. His message was for me, not his clients, even if I had no way to read it at the time. But his message also represents growth. You see sometimes we are put in uncomfortable situations by someone else, as I had done to my dad. But he decided to get comfortable in that uncomfortableness and for that I am forever grateful. That acorn didn’t have to spend long in the ground to grow. It quickly matured and brought an acorn of its own which has grown into the closest relationship I have ever had with my father. All because he made the choice to be comfortable being uncomfortable with something that he had zero control over.

You are all here because you have a goal in mind. You want to graduate and become PGA Professionals. Some of you want to play golf competitively. But for you to reach your potential, you need to start getting comfortable being uncomfortable. When we get those nervous flutters standing on the first tee, those who have learned to be comfortable with those feelings are more likely to succeed in hitting the fairway than those who haven’t. I recently read that procrastination isn’t putting off work, it’s putting on the feeling of being uncomfortable. I had to think about that one for a while, but when I thought about it, I realized its true. The things we enjoy doing, we are quick to do because we are comfortable while doing them. The things we don’t enjoy doing, we put off. Not because it’s work, but because it’s going to require us to stretch and grow and that makes us uncomfortable. Humans like the status quo. We don’t like change.

OSUT is designed to get you uncomfortable to force growth, learning and maturity. I promised you a funny story so here it is. My first day of OSUT started off smoothly. Too smoothly. The drill sergeants were calm and seemingly caring. They talked and didn’t yell. It was nothing like I expected based on what friends had told me. We had lunch and then they had us move down to the PT (physical training) field to learn how PT was going to work. Our Command Officer (CO) got up and started to talk to us about what to expect. Everyone was paying attention as expected. Except for me. You see my experience as a state trooper had taught me to expect everything was not what it appeared and to pay attention to my surroundings and that was exactly what I was doing. I watched out of the corner of my eye as all the drill sergeants huddled around a bag and then began to spread out around the formation. Then I heard a distinct ‘ping’. The ping the spoon makes as it releases from the body of a grenade. The “shark attack” began. Drill sergeants tossed smoke and flash bangs then started yelling sending everyone to the ground… except me. While a state trooper I was part of the Tactical Services Unit, so I had popped smoke and tossed flash bangs plenty of times. I was completely at home in the chaos. I had learned to be comfortable being uncomfortable. I cracked a smile as all the drill sergeants stopped yelling and stared at me standing solo in the formation. I could tell they had never had this happen to them before and they were flabbergasted. It took them a few seconds of exchanging glances to get back into character. I had taken away their power for just a few seconds. None of them knew my background at the time and while in the immediate I put a massive target on my back, they adjusted long term, and I definitely got more out of OSUT than the normal recruit. After I got a pointed “WHAT THE F#@% ARE YOU DOING? GET DOWN”. I purposefully took my time getting on the ground. That is the comfort level you should be seeking when in an uncomfortable situation. The “I’ve done this before, and while it is no fun, I am completely at home here.” I am still learning to be comfortable being uncomfortable in many areas of my life, but I know the importance of being uncomfortable. So don’t avoid those feelings. Embrace them. They never get completely normal. But when they start to feel normal, realize that you have experienced growth, learning and maturity. My next entry will involve a subject I know some of you are uncomfortable with: psychology. So, buckle up and get comfortable…